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quip = new Array()
quip[0]="&quot;I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.&quot;<P ALIGN=RIGHT><FONT SIZE=1>- Frank Sinatra</FONT></P>"
quip[1]="&quot;An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.&quot;<P ALIGN=RIGHT><FONT SIZE=1>- Ernest Hemingway</FONT></P>"
quip[2]="&quot;Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.&quot;<P ALIGN=RIGHT><FONT SIZE=1>- Ernest Hemingway</FONT></P>"
quip[3]="&quot;You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.&quot;<P ALIGN=RIGHT><FONT SIZE=1>- Dean Martin</FONT></P>"
quip[4]="&quot;Drunk is feeling sophisticated when you can't say it.&quot;<P ALIGN=RIGHT><FONT SIZE=1>- Anonymous</FONT></P>"
quip[5]="&quot;No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness - or as good as drink.&quot;<P ALIGN=RIGHT><FONT SIZE=1>- G.K. Chesterton</FONT></P>"
quip[6]="&quot;Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.&quot;<P ALIGN=RIGHT><FONT SIZE=1>- Ambrose Bierce</FONT></P>"
quip[7]="&quot;How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil's Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon - and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter.&quot;<P ALIGN=RIGHT><FONT SIZE=1>- W.C. Fields</FONT></P>"
quip[8]="&quot;Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar.&quot;<P ALIGN=RIGHT><FONT SIZE=1>- W.C. Fields</FONT></P>"
quip[9]="&quot;I exercise extreme self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.&quot;<P ALIGN=RIGHT><FONT SIZE=1>- W.C. Fields</FONT></P>"
quip[10]="&quot;Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.&quot;<P ALIGN=RIGHT><FONT SIZE=1>- W.C. Fields</FONT></P>"
quip[11]="&quot;What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?&quot;<P ALIGN=RIGHT><FONT SIZE=1>- W.C. Fields</FONT></P>"
quip[12]="&quot;During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.&quot;<P ALIGN=RIGHT><FONT SIZE=1>- W.C. Fields</FONT></P>"
quip[13]="&quot;It's quite true I'm not drinking any more... However, I'm not drinking any less, either.&quot;<P ALIGN=RIGHT><FONT SIZE=1>- W.C. Fields</FONT></P>"
quip[14]="&quot;Work is the curse of the drinking classes.&quot;<P ALIGN=RIGHT><FONT SIZE=1>- Oscar Wilde</FONT></P>"
quip[15]="&quot;When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.&quot;<P ALIGN=RIGHT><FONT SIZE=1>- Henny Youngman</FONT></P>"
quip[16]="&quot;Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.&quot;<P ALIGN=RIGHT><FONT SIZE=1>- Winston Churchill</FONT></P>"
quip[17]="&quot;The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.&quot;<P ALIGN=RIGHT><FONT SIZE=1>- Humphrey Bogart</FONT></P>"
quip[18]="&quot;I drink to make other people interesting.&quot;<P ALIGN=RIGHT><FONT SIZE=1>- George Jean Nathan</FONT></P>"
quip[19]="&quot;I always remember my first Martini... by the third one it gets a little fuzzy.&quot;<P ALIGN=RIGHT><FONT SIZE=1>- Anonymous</FONT></P>"
quip[20]="&quot;It's never too early for a cocktail.&quot;<P ALIGN=RIGHT><FONT SIZE=1>- No&euml;l Coward</FONT></P>"
quip[21]="&quot;See, in mixing, the important thing is the rhythm. Always have rhythm in your shaking. Now a Manhattan, you shake to foxtrot time; a Bronx to two-step time. But a Martini, you always shake to waltz time.&quot;<P ALIGN=RIGHT><FONT SIZE=1>- Nick Charles, <I>The Thin Man</I></FONT></P>"
quip[22]="&quot;I never go jogging; it makes me spill my Martini.&quot;<P ALIGN=RIGHT><FONT SIZE=1>- George Burns</FONT></P>"
quip[23]="&quot;A dry Martini. One. In a deep champagne goblet. Three measures of Gordon's, one of vodka, half a measure of Kina Lillet. Shake it well until it's very cold, then add a large thin slice of lemon peel. Got it?&quot;<P ALIGN=RIGHT><FONT SIZE=1>- Ian Fleming, <U>Casino Royale</U></FONT></P>"
quip[24]="&quot;I like to drink Martinis<BR>Two at the very most<BR>Three, I'm under the table<BR>Four, I'm under my host.&quot;<P ALIGN=RIGHT><FONT SIZE=1>- Dorothy Parker</FONT></P>"

now = new Date()
seconds = now.getSeconds()

choice=(seconds % 25)

document.write (quip[choice])
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